A talking duck went into a job centre. Man makes a few phone calls and says to the duck “Success! I’ve got you a job in a circus.”
The duck says "But I'm a welder.
What is E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs!
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity…
…it's impossible to put down!
Two snowmen in a field and one says to the other…
...can you smell carrots?!
Did you hear the one about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field!
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other…
...do you know how to drive this thing?!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
What do you call two birds stuck together?
Vel-crows
How much does it cost a Pirate to get their ears pierced?
A buck-an-ear!
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the barman says “I’ve got a drink named after you”
The grasshopper says “You’ve got a drink called Nigel?!”
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!